Unfortunately, there are just some days where idiocy is everyone's predominant mindset. Patience is at it's limit.

A thousand reasons to say No.

One reason to say Yes.

The thousand never stood a chance.

If you love your problem, set it free.

If it comes back to haunt you, then yep, it's yours to deal with.

I don't know what's up with me. For the past week or so, my dreams have been about babies. A couple of nights ago, I dreamed that I gave birth to a baby boy with these long, scary lashes. Normally, I would say long lashes are beautiful, but not when they are three inches long and on a new born infant. But I loved the lil freak anyway.

Last night, I had the kind of dream that feels real enough that you're not quite sure if you're dreaming so you're sorta sure you're awake and it's really happening. Anywhos, in this dream I was pregnant again. Probably about 3 or 4 months along the way. Even had a little bump on the front. I could feel something moving in my tummy. "Was that a kick?" I thought to myself. I remember trying to feel this whole other person inside of me. Then, I started waking up and let out a long, slow fart.

Periods make me flatulent on the first day. I suppose it's from all that water retention. Anyways, I got myself to thinking would I ever get over the fear of being entirely responsible for another human being? I'm barely doing a good job of taking care of myself. I mean, yeah I have three dogs and I'm good at taking care of them, but I can't chain my kid to the pole if he won't stop making noise. Social services will take him away and throw me in jail.

I am highly aware that taking care of a child is not as easy as taking care of a dog. But I think it's silly that an impending government legislation states that all new dog owners must go through a course before they are deemed fit to own a dog. Don't get me wrong there. It's great that these people are looking out for the welfare of our canine furkids by making sure their human knows how to meet their needs.

I just think it's silly that they haven't passed a legislation that covers potential parents. Parents-to-be should be made to take a course to certify them fit to raise and take responsibility for another human being. This is not just any pet we are talking about here. This is the future of society. Does the government presume that people know what they are doing because they are raising members of the same species? I have met enough bad parents to know better than that. I'm sure they're doing what they think is best for their child, but look at this actual scenario. My dogs know to stay on the sidewalk when I take them out for a walk. My neighbor's kids ,on the other hand, play football in the middle of the road when there is a big, open park just 20 meters away. This just goes to show that what parents think is best, is not necessarily what is best. I suppose this is the real reason why I refuse to bring in my child into this world. There are too many bad parents around. On the bright side, there will be many more responsible dog owners.

As for the baby dreams, this shall pass when my bloatedness does. I have my three dogs. And if this legislation passes, the world will at least know how to treat them better.

For most of my life, I have been adamantly resistent to ass kissing, or using name and position to get what I want. I thought anything that was gained from methods other than the honest drudgery, was dirty. And I'm not fond of mingling with filth.

After much contemplation these past few years, I came upon the conclusion that ass kissing, repulsive as it may be, is a necessity. Don't get me wrong. I still believe people should work hard to achieve success. But let's face one basic fact from Physics: Donkey work gets the wheel moving but grease and old oil eases the friction.

A few hours ago, a good friend said to me: "Chris, you are one of the most honest people I know. You have no qualms about saying it like it is." Sincerity, you are both my wind and my downfall. I said to her: " Ass is like Guiness Stout. It's an acquired taste."

"Do you even like beer?"

"No, dear. But I'll take a shot of Sambuca, please."

The taste of ass is a state of mind. Beer on the other hand, is physically tangible. Thus, it is harder to fool the brain. That is my argument, and I'm sticking to my guns. Anything is worth trying at least once. And who knows? One day, I may even learn to hold down a bottle of cerveza.

I may be the producer, the director, the writer, and the talent .. but for as long as I have my audience, I know I'm still putting on a show. And what a great show it was.

The thing that most amuses me about high society is that you can smack anyone left, right, and center, up, down, and everywhere in between, with nothing but a smile and an olive branch.

as·sid·u·ous : adj. Constant in application or attention; diligent; busy.


As in: "Mr.B from (big Malaysian corp) is an assiduous retard who can afford to waste people's time with inefficient procedures and imbecilic questions."




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People smell. That is a fact. Some people smell better than others. But right now, they're horribly fetid! The silent bomber he is, that flatulent nincompoop with the flaming hued shirt from the Howdy Doody design line. You suck! And get a haircut! Die, you putrid scum!

There may be a fine line separating bravery and stupidity, but you always know chicken shit when you see it.